Ink of Ages Fiction Prize

The Defeat of the Emperor

“A fine entertainment, my dear Berthier! I congratulate you.” Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte leaned back into the cushioned seat, brushing a few crumbs off his uniform.

Marshal Alexandre Berthier rose and bowed in answer.

“Now … these rabbits …” Napoleon raised an eyebrow at Berthier.

“Certainly! Louis, send word to release the rabbits in the park.”

Louis, a tall man dressed in the uniform of Berthier’s guard, saluted and took a step towards the door before the Emperor’s voice recalled him. 

“Louis, is it?” Napoleon asked, looking the man up and down.

“Indeed, Emperor.”

“Who gathered these rabbits?”

“It was I, Emperor,” Louis replied, obviously pleased at being thus singled out. 

Turning to Napoleon, Berthier spoke enthusiastically. “One thousand rabbits, Emperor! I had Louis pick them out especially; I’d trust him with anything. Shall I call your carriage? It’s only a short way; just at the gates of Paris.”

“Of course!” Napoleon stood up briskly, and the rest of the party stood with him.

Berthier was correct; the journey was not long and soon they had arrived at the park. For some time, it had been the Emperor of France’s greatest pleasure to hunt. It mattered little what the game was. Every courtier sought to indulge the Emperor’s fondness for the activity, but few were fortunate enough to have an invitation acknowledged, let alone accepted.

Berthier, as a Marshal, stood high in the Emperor’s esteem, and he had chosen a good moment for proffering his invitation. Napoleon was, at the time, highly delighted by the success of the Treaties of Tilsit. He’d succeeded in signing treaties with Russia and Prussia, and had convinced Russia to become their ally.

From that point, Napoleon substantially had the right to control trade in all of Europe. A fine moment indeed for Berthier’s invitation. 

Berthier’s park was the perfect place for a hunt. A wide field, with trees and bushes at intervals; and, of course … the rabbits. Berthier was pleased; the lunch had come off splendidly, the Emperor was in a good mood – the arrangements, he considered, had been flawless. As future events were to show, however, human preparations are never to be relied upon!

Napoleon tapped his foot impatiently as the gardeners ran about, clearly excited at the chance to entertain the Emperor. Eventually, he commented wryly to Berthier, “What is this? The cages have not been opened, and yet the rabbits are everywhere!” Berthier laughed, and told Louis and the gardeners to open the cages; further preparations were unnecessary. 

Carefully, the men lined up their aims — the gardeners held the doors of the cage shut and waited for the Emperor’s signal. Sure enough, it came, and the rabbits were released! As the first wave of hairy bodies escaped the cages, the hunting rifles went off, and many of the little bodies fell to the ground. Yet …inexplicably … they did not scatter and escape as expected. In a mass of heaving fur, they threw themselves at Napoleon and his men! It seemed that soon they would be surrounded – but Berthier leapt into action.

“Coachmen! Gather your whips, and force these vermin to retreat!” 

The coachmen did as they were told, and successfully caused the rabbits to turn tail and escape from the whips. The men, presuming this to be a single inexplicable occurrence, stepped forward again, swinging their guns into place. 

But the rabbits did not behave as expected! Though scattered by the whips, they escaped until they were out of range, then regathered! By the time this strange phenomenon had been noticed, the coachmen’s whips had been replaced on the carriages and there was no time to repeat the previous method of defence. 

Within seconds, Napoleon and his officers found themselves surrounded … the rabbits were leaping at them, surrounding their legs so that they could not physically move. 

The Emperor of France, Napoleon Bonaparte I, and his men were subdued by a thousand rabbits. To kick them away was impossible; the guns were of no use. For every rabbit killed, five more appeared to take its place. Several men yelled, their voices reaching an embarrassing falsetto. 

“WHAT … is … this!” Napoleon shouted at Berthier, his words coming out in fragments. Berthier’s face had turned deep red in anger. “Emperor … I don’t know …” He trailed off as a rabbit interrupted him. “But,” he continued, teeth gritted, and the words forced. “I will find out.”

“To the carriages, gentlemen!” Napoleon called, bending down to knock the rabbits away with his hands. Wading through a sea of fur, the Emperor, Berthier, and others reached the carriages. The coachmen assisted as best they could, and finally all had entered the carriages. Before leaving, various rabbits were expelled from the carriage floors, and the coachmen attempted to exit the vicinity. But this proved impossible! Rabbits had swarmed the carriages, creating an effective but rather inconvenient constraint. With the help of the whips, finally, the cavalcade exited the park. 

Berthier had wisely secured a place in a different carriage to the Emperor, and he was furious. What could have possessed those rabbits? The whole day had been ruined, and he was certain to be blamed for it. As soon as they arrived back at his mansion, Berthier attacked Louis.

“What, in the name of heaven, was all that about?”

“Surely, sir, I do not know!” Louis felt extreme discomfiture in his delicate position.

Berthier had to breathe hard for a moment to regain his composure. “Where did you get these rabbits?” 

“From the rabbit farmers, sir. They breed them in hutches.” 

“By all the … Louis, you fool!” Berthier would have piled further curses upon the unfortunate servant if it were not for the entry of Napoleon. 

“Well, Berthier, what is the meaning of this marvel?” 

Berthier glowered, and replied, “This fool, Louis, chose tame rabbits rather than wild! The vermin must have taken us for cabbage cutters!” 

Napoleon burst out laughing, to the relief of all. 

Berthier’s day was ruined, but the rabbits were presumably much pleased – they had an entire park to themselves!